Thriving Mindfully

Tag: Choice (Page 1 of 3)

On choosing your pleasures wisely

Nature has – as a provision for an evolutionary fillip- designed us to be a pleasure seeking species. It is our basic instinct to maximize pleasure and alleviate pain. From the joy in the warmth of an embrace, to the alluring magnetism of a baby’s smile, to the existentially satisfying act of procreation, nature has designed our experience of pleasure to meet its longing for itself, through our perennial pursuit for posterity.

Up until a few decades ago, our pleasures were few and far in between, and certainly, not accessible at will. To even get a bowl of french fries, one had to wait for the winter harvest. Think of the ubiquity of our starch laden indulgence in our tech-dictated age, where it is just a few taps away on the screen!

Technology has ushered in pleasures at a rate far beyond a human’s capacity to experience them. The brain, stimulated constantly by novel stimuli, seems to be in overdrive from the rush of dopamine and serotonin. The ease with which pleasures are available to us in today’s age also begs us to contemplate about where exactly pleasure morphs into peril, access into addiction. How many addictions have we sanitized to normalcy?

Have we, in seeking pleasure, forgotten to discern which pleasures are worth pursuing and which ones are best avoided?

Before we talk about discernment, let’s simplify the types of pleasures we go out to seek.

At the risk of sounding simplistic, I believe that broadly, there are two kinds of pleasures:

1. The Simple Pleasures
2. The Easy Pleasures

The simpler pleasures of life are, in most cases, accessible to one and all without discrimination. A simple pleasure of life is accessible in the following two ways.

A Simple Pleasure :

a. Accessible by a Deep Presence : Think of a calming wind caressing your skin, a field of sunflowers in full bloom, glancing your finger on a touch-me-not plant, or watching the luminous courtship dance of fireflies on a dark night. These are simple pleasures accessible to anyone who is mindfully present in the moment.

b. Accessible by a Deep Perseverance : Think of the time when you created something new, a demanding pursuit that was awarded with the simple pleasure of a smile that stems from deep within, on realizing the beauty of what you’ve created. It could be a pot, a play, a sketch, a symphony, a code or a caramel cookie. Manifesting anew gives joy abound.

However, we are confronted with another kind of pleasure in today’s day and age. The Easier Pleasure.

The Easier Pleasures are :

a. Accessible as Cheap-Thrills : (vices, addictions, passive digital entertainment, sexual self-gratification, pornography)

b. Accessible as Lifestyle Frills : (Consumption borne out of wants and not needs, individualism to the point of corruption of the longing for fraternity, the culture of seeking identity from objects)

How does one discern between the two types of pleasures?
There’s a straightforward test to know the difference between a simple pleasure and an easy pleasure. A simple pleasure is borne out of creation. It could be the pleasure one gets from creating something or in marveling in being able to experience what someone else/ nature has created.

An easier pleasure is borne out of consumption. Through most of human history, the easier pleasure was accessible only to a select few. But with worldwide access to the internet, the easier pleasures have become accessible to much of our generation.

What if I were to suggest that the quality of your life is a function of the choice you make when confronted with the promise of experiencing pleasure?

While you have been designed to be a pleasure seeking being, and the body doesn’t discern a detrimental pleasure from a favorable one (it fires up the same happy hormones in either case!), the responsibility of making a wise choice rests on your own mind.

The more lasting pleasures are the ones that have been earned through perseverance, or through a solemn presence in the unfolding moment – the simpler pleasures that one is more likely to reminisce about around a warm fire-place on a winter evening.

Creating something is perhaps the most demanding pleasure of them all that calls for a devotion that is absolute. But it is a much more character building than the pleasure that comes from the effortlessly accessible act of crude consumption.

The prospect of a meaningful life rests on how well you are able to navigate the pleasure paradigm. While the easier, short-term pleasures are easy to access, they seldom qualify as prized nostalgia, nor do they chisel your character to reveal a more glorious manifestation of your self.

Steering our pleasure-seeking self in the direction that asks for presence and perseverance is the prudent choice.

And when in a dilemma in choosing between the promise of two pleasures, ask yourself which one of the two is an easier pleasure and which one is the simpler pleasure. Once you can discern that, set sail to the winds of the latter.

For wisdom lay in choosing your pleasures wisely.

On the urgent need for Motherhood

We are living in a challenging time in history. Yes, there have been times in the past when life was much more difficult, life expectancy was low and there was a constant threat of invasions, battles and bloodshed.
That was a part of evolution of the human psyche.
But, never before in history have we heard Mother Earth being endangered by any species.

Us.

Times have changed.

The appalling desecration our race has perpetrated on our planet is beyond question.

Is there a way we can bring about a shift in our global consciousness?

I believe there is.

We, as humans, regardless of gender, need to embody the spirit of motherhood.

A mother is an epitome of unconditional love, integrity, resilience, foresight, character, care and concern.

Is there any problem that seems too big to surmount if there’s a motherly spirit around you?

Sadly though, our mainstream culture is witnessing a global shift towards a masochistic aggression.
World leaders are rolling up hatred and divisiveness to get elected in office. And they seem to be winning at the moment.

This cultural shift gets imbibed in the spirit of the young boys, the leaders of tomorrow.

But is there one problem we are facing that we were able to address or solve with this attitude?
We cannot go on like this.

I believe the road to cultivating more motherhood in our society has to infiltrate from down to up, from our little homes to the big offices.

Let me cite an example.

A little boy has no qualms about picking up a puppy, feeding it and cuddling with it all day. It is absolutely comfortable with loving and caring like a mother.
But past a certain age, boys refrain from doing the same.
Part of it is hormonal, but surely part of it has to do with societal conditioning.
Even fathers dissuade young boys from being a ‘girl’. Friends reprimand each other to ‘man-up’.
The societal precedent for manhood is not well placed, neither for the heart of the man, nor for the spirit of the world.

We need to make men believe that having a soft, caring and compassionate heart is not being effeminate,
But it is being motherly.

We need the spirit of motherhood in our offices, in public and environmental policy, in administration, in the government.

As reality stands today, majority of workforce comprises of men.

If we open our minds and welcome the motherly spirit in the hearts of our men, the world will see a discerning positive change.

And if we have the whole world embody a caring motherly spirit rather than just half of it, there will only be a mellifluous harmony in our collective existence.

Mother Earth would welcome our motherhood.

In the end,
I believe that a man of great character is one who has the heart, to have the heart of a mother.

Let us foster motherhood.

Together.

 

Picture : via www.lifeisanecho.com

 

 

A plan for the last week of the year

Fifty one weeks have passed. Today, the sunrise ushered in the final week of 2018.

As the new year is approaching, I find billboards and airwaves brim with the invitation to enjoy, make merry, shop and dance your nights away.
The chorus being drummed up is subconsciously making us all prone to leaning towards consumption and decadence.
But, this blatant and overt invitation by forces of the market might be steering us away from the start of something beautiful.

Here, I would like to suggest an alternative narrative.

What if instead of falling into the trap of consumption, we make a mindful choice of dividing our precious energy reserve into three parts?

The parts are:

a) Contemplation
b) Resolution
c) Celebration

Contemplation :

You have spent 51 weeks of this year.
How was the return of investment of that time? How mindfully did you live? What were you triumphs and failures? What did you learn from either?
Contemplation helps one reflect on his life so far, so that his future decisions serve his growth best.

Resolution :

What would you like to do next year? What do you wish to improve on?
How deliberate can you be about fulfilling your deep held dreams?
Who would you like to help?
How?

Resolution helps you set a clear agenda about what you must do with your precious time so that you get the best return from your investment. It helps build a firm, reason based foundation, one that will help you create value out of your time.

Celebration :

Of course, there should be room for merriment in life. You should celebrate your achievements and failures alike, and share energy with people who you love and care about.

Celebration does not entail consumption.
Find a way to celebrate the last day of the year the way you like best, with the people you adore.

Maybe there’s more fun in cooking together with friends and dancing in your apartment with your pet dog in tow, than partying in a pub where pets aren’t allowed, you can’t control the music and you’re surrounded by people not exactly in their senses.
Let this year’s celebration be more mindful.

The forces of the market are strong. You will feel a gravitation towards consumption. But this time over, I wish you make a reasoned choice.

Follow these three simple steps in that order.

Contemplation
Resolution
Celebration

You will find much more happiness in the exercise than any year end discount deal there is.

Invest the last week of the year wisely.
I hope you find a pen and paper and plan this out for yourself.

I believe you will.

 

 

How to Upgrade your existence

Normal is such a normal word isn’t it?
It refers of all things ordinary, the banal, the commonplace, not showing any deviance from the usual.
It is a word that references itself in its character. Normal.

There is an ubiquity to this word, despite how flavorless it is.
We use this word quite often to refer to the state in our own life. In fact, despite how lacklustre it sounds, we all wish for a ‘normal’ life, don’t we?

There is only one issue with wishing for such a normalcy in life.
It is that, often we seek what’s considered normal on a societal level. We take normal to be something that has met with the tacit agreement of others around us. We do not take a moment to consider and set a benchmark for our own self, of what we want our normal to be!

Let me cite a personal example.

The other day, my father came into my room when I was writing. He was a bit surprised to see me write with my left hand. He’d always remembered me to be right-handed. Since he hadn’t seen me for a long time, he wondered if he had forgotten which was my dominant hand.

Eventually I told him that I had been writing with my left hand everyday for the past 18 months. And now, it felt totally normal to me. I sometimes come to my writing desk and pick up the pen quite instinctively with my left hand.

That’s a normal I worked towards, something I eventually I got used to.

Would it not be best, if we strived to upgrade our ‘normal’ to a more challenging state of being?
Normal doesn’t have be a constant, it needs to have a positive evolutionary slope.

Personally, I am still trying to level up on my normalcy. I am constantly trying to be open in the heart, just as a child, something that doesn’t come naturally to adults. But I am working my way towards making it a normal part of my being.
Likewise there are many other areas where I wish to bring an elevation in my normal state of being. It is an ongoing process that challenges you to grow mindfully.

There is nothing wrong with wishing to lead a normal life, as long as you define what you accept as normal, as long as you choose to push your boundaries and upgrade your normalcy.

The same word, normal, gets invigorated once we choose give it our own definition.

Define your own ‘normal’ and constantly strive for an upgrade in your state of being.
To do that for your evolution, should after all become,
Normal.

Just being

The December wind, once a mighty gale,
Is feeble, warm, lifeless and pale
Carefree still, it flows ruminating,
It is happy after all,
Just being.

The icy mountain, what a blow it felt,
Painfully slow did the snow cap melt,
In between states of matter, still contemplating,
Is is happy still,
Just being.

The earth, a theatre in dilapidation,
Torn apart by borders, ideas of a nation,
Still it moves, silently reflecting,
It is happy after all,
Just being.

The sky a kaleidoscope of universes afar,
Today is a haze, without a single star,
A silent screen, it gets itself thinking,
It is happy still,
Just being.

The last song bird, it calls for a mate,
It will never hear back, a sorry fate
Still it finds solace in the singing,
It is happy after all,
Just being.

The wind, the ice, the earth, the sky,
Just as a sparrow and a butterfly,
Without a worry, they exist,
They’re so good
At just being.

While I, a human,
riding on destruction,
Am only good,
At just being sorry.

Finding honest critique in the age of constant gratification

In today’s age of hyper-connectedness it is easier than ever before to share your your life, your work of art with the world.
We have cleverly designed platforms that we choose to express ourself through.
While these social media platforms have simplified the act of expression,
It has also sowed inside us, a seed of constant hunger,
Of seeking validation.

Today, the act of creating itself cannot find the isolation it needs.
We are busy sharing that we are going to do something, we have just started doing something…..Up until we are finished with doing something.
We fail to shut the door on the world to actually get to the process of creating something without distractions.
It is the result of the clever architecture of these platforms that are dictating our behavior and psychology.
We need to feel we are relevant,
We matter…
We are but,
human after all.

As a contemporary artist, I’ve always felt the process of creation never finds the isolation, incubation and single minded dedication it calls for.
The continuum of creation is always interfered by the parallel world of validation (read social media) we choose to dabble with.
In a way we are driven to be ‘Like’ minded .

This culture is detrimental to an artist’s growth in the long run in my opinion.

Once an artist shares his labor of love, he expects people to take notice, like it and share it with the community at large.
The feedback comes through a single click,
A like button, a heart shaped button and their many cousins…
This cursory appraisal is only valued when it comes in numbers.
There is no way of knowing how much what you created affected another person.
Maybe a masterpiece of a portrait you worked on for months got 20 thumbs up and a goofy selfie of yours got 200.

But maybe the 20 people were moved by your art, and majority of the 200 encouraged you out of habit and the prospect of reciprocity.

A pertinent question here is,

‘How does an artist find honest critique amid this culture of numbers, of short attention spans and a juggernaut of new feed?’

Here is where good old friendship and mentorship stands strong.

On social media you’re more likely to find cursory attention than love, virulent hatred than critique.

A friend or a mentor on the other hand, cares about your growth. You are more likely to find honest opinion, encouragement and suggestions about avenues to grow, when you share your art with them.
It is a matter of privilege to have these handful of people around.

If you still wish to get a sense of how many lives you touched through your art through social media,
Look for how many people took out the time to write something about your art.
Did anyone feel moved enough to leave you a comment?
The written word means so much more than ten thousand clicks on an icon.
What would you remember more,
A number or an emotion you stirred in someone’s heart through your art?

As an artist, for the sake of better art, we need to stay clear from the culture of constant gratification.

Only when we give ourself the isolation to work with all our heart,
Can our work add up to something remarkable.

Also, as responsible consumers of content, we should choose the written word to express our feelings more often than giving someone a thumbs up.
We are capable of being more articulate about our emotions than that !

Once we look at life as art in making and choose to voice our opinions in a more conscious manner, we will enable a better atmosphere for art to find expression and constructive critique.
And Life,
as art,
will inevitably,
Thrive.

 

 

On Good Gossip

For the past four days I have been riding in the mountains near the lower Himalayas. Most of the other vehicles on the road run on fossil fuels. There are motorbikes, SUVs, buses and Army trucks for the most part.
I barely saw another cyclist on the road.

And while all other vehicles on the road have it much easier, my vehicle runs on pedal power. All throughout my journey I have seen people mumble the word ‘cycle’ across the windowpane of their car. If it were a bus or a motorbike, I could hear the word, ‘cycle, cycle’ in the conversation that followed after spotting me.
I could make a good guess that for another five minutes, the people would be talking about the bicycle, the challenge and the spirit of human endeavour.

After a point, I realised how natural it is for people to talk about other people!
Some people like to call it gossip.
The word gossip has a bit of a negative connotation. But can gossip not have a positive spin to it?

As I imagine it, there could be two ways how we can create a culture of positive conversation.

1) Do something remarkable, something positive so that people can notice and talk about it

2) Always be on the lookout for good things people do. Try to start a conversation based on that inherent goodness.

I believe that by bicyling uphill in such a challenging terrain, I inadvertently gave people a positive topic to talk about.

Our actions need to be engineered such that they are remarkable, sharable and worth talking about.

While we are doing something as natural as talking about other people, we should also be mindful of the culture we are creating in the process.

Next time, when you’re with friends, choose a positive aspect to talk about and when you’re busy with work, always strive to do something remarkable, so that others have good things to talk about.

We can’t help but gossip.
Let it at least be refined
Let it be inspiring.

 

 

On importance of old school friendship in the age of social media

We are living in times where we dwell in two worlds at the same time. One is the real physical world, where all our interactions happen, and one is the virtual world, where we curate how we want our life to be seen as.

In the real world, a person experiences a whole range of emotions. On one hand he experiences pain, sorrow, rejection, depression, anxiety, diffidence…
On the other hand he also experiences pleasure, happiness, exuberance, emancipation and a sense of confidence.
The real world is a kaleidoscopic experience of all these myraid emotions.

But in the virtual world one dwells in, one always projects the happier state of being. All pictures shared by someone, be it of a momentous point in life to the banal selfie stream, it all has a positive connotation.
On social media, everyone is happy.
All seems to be well.

But is it?

If our life was seen only through our curated virtual identity, all of us are living an incredible life with no trace of pain or sorrow.
But deep inside, we all experience challenging emotions as much as we enjoy positive ones.

Our indulgence with social media has consumed our time and mind space which would earlier be engaged with real conversations with friends.
With friends, we would talk about what pains us and what makes us happy in the same breath.
But now we don’t have time to speak to a friend. For some reason the dopamine rush of social media validation eclipses the experience a real friendship promises.

This culture of curating a happy state of being comes at a cost. The challenging emotions like sorrow and diffidence that test our character are being avoided at all cost.
But how will one shape his character holistically if he is in such a state of avoidance ?

In life, one should always strive to have a space to speak about what pains him, what makes him sad and how lonely he feels at times.
For such a space to exist, trust is a must.
And that can only be found in the company of a trustworthy friend.

Speaking about challenging emotions brings forth clarity in one’s mind about who he is, while avoidance only enfeebles and diffuses his identity.

If you wish to have great emotional health, foster a trustworthy friendship. And share things with a friend as frequently as you share your curated happy state of being in the virtual world.
It will do wonders to your understanding of your own self.

To your wholistic growth,
To acceptance of happiness and sorrow as it comes.

 

 

If you have a recurring dream…

The ability to dream is a gift we all have access to. Everyone, from the richest to the poorest of poor dream. In fact, it is not even a choice. If you sleep, a dream conjures up out of nowhere.

The imaginative human mind doesn’t stop dreaming even when wide awake.
We often call this state as ‘daydreaming’.
And unlike the involuntary nature of dreams we have while we are asleep, ‘daydreaming’ is pretty much in our control. We can choose what we want to dream about.

Some daydreams change as we grow up. Remember as kids how we dreamt of being pilots, firemen, clowns , soldiers…
Those dreams have definitely changed with time.
But some daydreams do not change with time. Especially the ones we have in early adulthood.
We all have dreams about mastering that one art form, travelling to a place unknown, to have a healthy mind and body, to be loved unconditionally…
These dreams take shape in our youth and stay within us.
And, we are all guilty of not acting on these dreams to make it a reality.
We take a few steps in the right direction but before we know we are off the track.
Remember that gym membership that you never really used ?
Instead, we do things that could rather wait.
We procrastinate.
We are pretty good at it, aren’t we?

But the dream still comes back to us,
Despite our failings.

It is easy to come to the conclusion that we are just lofty dreamers who would never act on our dreams.
Giving up on ourself is simple.
Losing faith is easier than believing in oneself.

But, if a dream keeps coming back to us, it must mean something.
I have always dreamt of being an early riser. I have failed so many times at waking up bright and early yet, I always wished I could do better.
It took me close to 5 years to cultivate a body clock that wakes me up before sunrise no matter what.
Repeated failings did not deter my motivation. The dream was still alive inside me. And while it was easier to give up on it when I was failing, I chose not to.

I had a similar experience with cultivating the habit of writing everyday. I have failed so many times at keeping a daily journal. But after repeated failings, I still was dreaming about it when wide awake.
I wondered, if the thought of writing regularly still lingers in my mind, it must mean something.
After 3 years of trying, I finally have cultivated the habit of writing everyday.

I am citing personal examples to emphasize how these recurring daydreams must be valued so profoundly by your psyche such that they don’t leave you despite repeated failings.

If you have a recurring dream that you never acted upon, or a dream you acted upon multiple times only to have failed to be consistent in the pursuit,
Do not lose heart.
Do not give up on yourself.

The recurrence of the dreams despite repeated failings is a sure sign that you must persevere.
And you will.

All successes stand strong on the bedrock of multiple failures.
Choose to stand up and try again.

Daydreams are the compass we must follow despite losing direction on the journey.

The most satisfying triumph is one when we transform imagination to reality.

With realising a recurring daydream, we have the opportunity to experience that feeling of triumph.

To more dreaming,
To more actions,
To more failings.

One day it will all fall into place.

On gifting sincerely

 

Recently my mother got retired from service. She organised a little get together   with all her colleagues and their family. And as the tradition goes, people came with gifts wrapped in shiny wrapping papers, bouquets and some envelops with money. The get together was warm and candid. It served the social purpose .

The next morning I was hoping to see my mom relieved and light since she didn’t have to go to office anymore. Instead I found her a bit lost sitting amid all those boxes and flowers and envelops wondering what to do with them. The minimalist she is, I felt all of these lovingly gifted things weighed her down than lift her spirit.
I looked at one of the envelops and I wondered, ‘ What if instead of money, there were a handwritten note from a colleague who expressed how she has helped them in their Journey together?’ That would lift her spirit and bring a smile on her face for sure.
Physical gifts occupy space in the house and seldom stay in the mind as a memory. A simple letter with an emotional investment stays in the heart for the whole life.
It takes just as much time to reminisce the past you shared and write about it as going to a store to choose something to gift.
The former costs nothing yet reaps you dividends of sincere love from the recipient.

The next time I give someone an envelope, it will have much more emotional investment in it.
A letter.
For I want space in their heart.

What do you think ?

 

 

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