Thriving Mindfully

Category: Learning from kids (Page 2 of 2)

How to open up your heart

I had the fortune of volunteering at  ‘Mindful Farm’, a little community nestled among hillocks in North Chiang Mai, Thailand.

One of the things I liked most about being there was the nutritious breakfast we used to eat, seated on the floor, in complete silence, mindfully.

After breakfast, one of us would read a little story about mindfulness in daily life to everyone else. The founder, Pi Nan, had a wonderful collection of stories to be read out loud every morning.

On a particular morning, my friend Alice was reading out a story. She read the story with such an endearing cadence that all of us just wanted to keep on listening. Giving space and emphasis as it deemed fit, she beckoned us all on a journey, like Pied Piper would with his pipe.
After she finished reading the story, we all were secretly wishing that she kept on reading !

We got up from our places and continued on to work on the farm.
While we were busy working, I took a moment to compliment her about the way she read the story.

‘Alice, how did you learn to read like that?’

‘Ah, did you enjoy it?’ she asked.

‘Yes, indeed. It was read with such empathy and emotion. I felt as if I was a kid in a nursery and my teacher was reading a gripping little tale to me.’

‘Well, I am a teacher back in Myanmar. I teach kids. I have to be able to read engagingly, don’t I?’

‘Ah, that explains it!’

‘You know, I feel that we assume that we no longer need to be read to once we learn how to read. But isn’t it a joy to be be listening to a story read with the right emotion and flow?’

‘By all means !’ I assented.

And we carried on our work in the little patch of the garden.

Yesterday, my friend’s father and I sat down to share time and space. I narrated a short story to him I had written a few days ago. He recited a few of the couplets he had composed.
He had such joy in his spirit when he recited his own poetry composed in an agreeable melody.

Once he was done reciting he spoke,

‘You know, my wife has insomnia. When she cannot fall asleep at night, I sing my poetry as a lullaby to her. Before she knows, she falls asleep like a content baby.’

‘How do you think that works Uncle?’ I asked.

‘You know, I think we all feel that only little babies need lullabies to fall asleep. But, we could all use a lullaby in our life.’

Smiling gently to his wise observation, we enjoyed the evening breeze.

These two experiences with Alice and my friend’s father got me thinking about the things we do away with as we grow up.

Most experiences we consider so precious as kids are deemed to be childish.

Who doesn’t remember sleeping to a lullaby? Or a short story performed by Granny in the dark theatre of the night, that soothed us into a dream filled sleep?
The caressing on our ruffled hair by Mom, when we were down with fever? Her peculiar scent that made you feel you’re home in her arms?

As we grow up we do not let these experiences into our lives. We dare not to sleep in our mother’s lap, rationalizing our fear, fooling ourselves out of what we might truly need.

After an age, subconsciously we seek the same feelings as we did as a child, from a partner.

Yes, we need to listen to someone with deep anticipation and intent, just how we used to listen to those childhood stories.
We need to listen to them whisper in our ear, to lead us to a sound sleep, just how a lullaby used to do back in the day. We need to be touched, lovingly, like we allowed our mother to once upon a time. We need that embracing scent of our beloved, to feel home, no matter where we are, just like our mother’s scent made us feel.

Our adulthood comes with a baggage. The inertia of all those walls that we build between us and our guileless heart.
Our heart was open to love as children.
But as we grew up, we even started feeling awkward when embracing our own parents, something that used to be so natural !
How is this growth in any sense of the word?

Sometimes, growth means to retreat.
Retreat to a state of pure being,
Of having an open heart,
An all embracing soul,
That touches and let’s itself be touched.
That seeks out an embrace,a lullaby, a story, the scent of home…

 

 

A Fire, Fish and Friendship

Meandering through the maze of roads, I finally saw a shade of blue in the distance. I finally found my way to the beach right outside Phuket international airport.
The whole promenade was lined up with five star resorts. I felt a bit out of place riding along with most of my laundry hanging on my bicycle pannier bags.
I saw a few local boys in lifeguard uniforms at the beach.
I approached them and asked,
‘Camping here Okay?’

‘Sleep?’ one of them gestured with his palms making a pillow for his head to rest.

‘Yes Yes, Okay to sleep here?’

‘Yes sleep sleep no problem.’

Happy with the news I leaned my bike against a tree and reached into my bag to find bananas. I offered one to all the life guards there.
They accepted it readily. With further conversation I came to know they were all boys from the village nearby. The youngest one, Om,
was just 9 years old. He would just come with his village friends to the beach to have a good time.
Everyone had a fishing rod with them at all times. They would fish in hope of finding a fat one for dinner.

Over the afternoon, I walked around to find a nice spot to camp. Once I found one, I started setting up my tent. The sun was setting with effortless grace. The horizon, alive even in the final moments of the day’s demise.

Once I finished setting up the tent , I looked around to find Om standing right next to me.
He smiled shyly and muttered something in Thai.
‘Me, no Thai’ I gestured animatedly.

He quickly squatted down and rubbed his palms together and mimed a person warming himself up around a fire.

‘Oh you want to set up a bonfire! But no matches or lighter!’

He ran to his brother who was catching fish on the beach. He paced back happily with a lighter.
We collected kindling from around the place and soon we had a fire set up.

‘Fish, fish!’ he gestured with a stick in hand.
He wanted to barbecue fish !
Fuelled with excitement, he ran to the beach side and started to look for something.
I built on the fire meanwhile.
In a few minutes he came back with two tiny crabs. He poked them into a stick and put them to grill on our little fire.

The sun had sunk into the ocean. He saw his brother retrieve his fishing equipment and walk towards his motorcycle. As if on a deadline, he raced to his brother and whispered in his ear.

Soon I saw him back, right next to me with a big fish in hand.

‘Fish, Fish !’ he declared excitedly. He poked another stick into the fish and set it on top of the fire.
The joy in his spirit knew no bounds!

Soon his brother called his name out loud. He turned to me and waved ‘Bye Bye!’

‘Oh what about your fish Om?’

He pointed his finger at me and said
‘You You!’

He hopped onto motorcycle and sped away to his home in the village. He waved goodbye for as long as his eyes could meet mine.

It is raining at the moment. The fire we set up together has died out.
But the fire he set up in my heart, of a warm friendship, beyond all barriers,
Roars and flourishes with the mighty monsoon breeze.

The gift of gifting

As a pure stroke of luck, I found myself in the midst of a few hundred Bicyclists today. We were all participating in a bicycle rally, a 25 kilometre ride along the coastline in Trang, South Thailand.
It is funny to confess that I still have no idea what the rally was about !
Everything was written and communicated in Thai and barely anyone spoke English.
I mimed my way into the rally much to the amusement of my fellow Thai cyclist friends.

Towards the end of the race, there was a freebie distribution session for all finishers. We had to choose a ball from an opaque pot containing balls of many colours. The ones who got a red ball went home with a bag, blue balls got key chains, green ones got pens and so on.

It was such fun to observe that everyone there could easily afford all these free things. And no one really felt the need of these extra things in life. Yet, the joy of getting something for free was much apparent on everybody’s faces. It was hilarious to see a 60 year old grandmother jump up and down as she got a free water cooler. I am quite sure it wasn’t the most pressing need of her life.
But oh the joy of getting something for free!
It cuts across all of humanity, location and culture notwithstanding.

Most often, sponsors use this vulnerability of participants by giving away things that can serve as a promotion tool for them. All bags would have their names on them, so would t-shirts and other accessories
A freebie costs the sponsor some money, but it provides an avenue for promotion, with avid participation from all.

No freebie is totally free.
While there is joy in giving, it comes at a cost.

I got thinking about the prospect experiencing the Joy of giving without a monetary cost per se.
And I thought about kids.
Just through their pure being,
Kids give out so much energy filled with joy and laughter at every moment!
In fact the whole community around a little child feels the happiness that it emanates through its existence.
What makes it ever more beautiful is that the child has no idea how profound a difference it makes in the life of everyone around. Just through the pure state of being, it acts as a true harbinger of joy. A true freebie, where everyone wins, and the smiles are much more lasting and meaningful.

If a human wishes to experience the joy of giving unconditionally, by all means he can. He just has to turn to a kid to learn how.
Expressing an unadulterated state of pure being,  sharing one’s creative energy, or just even making people around feel good, is a profoundly meaningful gift to the community.

The best gifts is one which the receiver didn’t realise he needed so badly in life. All of us can use a source of good energy in our lives.

And gifting someone with constant nourishment of good energy also helps one cultivate his best self.
Both the giver and receiver benefit, with no ulterior motive, with no additional cost.
A true win-win situation.

Every human, no matter how poor or rich, is in a position to gift abundantly.
And it is the greatest feeling to spread love like a child, without even realising you are, through the pure state of being.

It is a choice,
That not surprisingly,
Is free for all.

The Best Position

A little boy and his father were walking down the road home. The boy’s shoulders were weighed down by disappointment.
His shoes were covered in a layer of dust after the sports day proceedings in school. He dragged his feet along wearing a dejected look on his face. The proud father put his hand around his son and patted in a consolatory manner.

‘What’s the matter Son?’

‘Nothing dad. I am just a bit disappointed.’

‘About what my boy?’

‘ Well, because I couldn’t get the best position in the 100 meter race.’

The father smiled. And asked,

‘What happened in the race?’

‘As soon as I heard the gunshot, I started running. I was behind three other runners. But one of them tripped and fell down. So I stopped to help him get up. I started running again as soon as I could.
But by then I was trailing behind four other kids. I could barely overtake one of the runners. And I missed out on being on the podium position.’

Consolingly his father ruffled his hair and asked,
‘Son, What’s the best position to be in?’

‘ The first position dad? The Gold medal position !’

The father looked into his son’s eyes and explained,
‘For me, the best position
Is to be in a position to help.
You chose to help a friend stand up and run again.
At that moment, you might have lost a few seconds, lost the race,
But you won the hearts of everyone witnessing the incident.’

The boy looked at his father and smiled without abandon.

‘I’m proud of you son. You’ve taught so many people a wonderful lesson by your compassionate action’

With an uplifted spirit he replied,
‘I will always strive to help when I can dad.’

‘But not in an examination okay !’ joked his father.

Both Father and son walked smilingly towards the ice cream shop to celebrate.
They bought three ice creams.
Two to eat, one to share.

Indeed,
What a position to be in.
To be able to be of help!

On loving like a child

Today morning I was walking around in the forest. I saw my four year old friend a bit further away from me. He was walking his new puppy around. Both of them were in a joyous mood of discovery.
My friend started humming a simple melody to express his happiness. He had a new puppy after all!
His world couldn’t have been any better !
It was a sight to behold.

I too started repeating the melody behind him. His eyes lit up as he heard someone sing exactly what he was singing. He kept on singing and I kept on singing back.
Curiously he started walking along with the puppy in the my direction.
Once he got past the outgrowth of the forest he saw me humming along.
He was delighted. He kept on singing as I kept on repeating his melody.

With glimmer in his eyes he asked me, ‘What is your name?’

‘My name is Sreenath.’

‘Sreenath, I love you’ he expressed.

His puppy found place in his lap and he started singing again, walking towards his hut.

I just stood there wondering,
‘ If only we could love each other for the little things, the small kind actions, a modicum of care,
And express them like a child, with effort less flair
We would be such a loving brotherhood!

Learning to Unlearn

‘Don’t strain your body, let it loose’ commanded my swimming instructor.
I gasped for a breath after another failed attempt at floating in water. The sun shone brightly on the disappointed trainer’s face.
‘Try again’ he said in anguish.

Swimming is one of the life skills I did not get an opportunity to learn as a kid. Battling my phobia of water, I finally convinced myself to learn to swim. It was the third day at class and my instructor couldn’t believe how stiff my body was under water.
‘ Why are you so stiff? And why can’t you hold your breath for longer? Even a ten year old kid can do this!’ he said.
I didn’t have much to explain. I kept trying for the rest of the session.

Once I got out of the water, I started thinking about what happened during the training. I kept wondering about the comment he made about how even a ten year old kid could do what he was asking me to.
While I was a bit worked up after hearing that, over time a sense of calm dawned on me. I realised that accidentally the trainer had given me a great sermon.

We always associate progress with growing up. We always envision to be the best version of ourselves in future. But I realised that it is a partial perspective. Progress should be associated as much with growing up to maturity as with preserving the childlike elasticity of thought and action. The innate wisdom of body and mind programmed in kids is often unlearned as we age. Our body and mind grow up to an ‘acquired stiffness.’
The pursuit of true growth should be aimed in both directions, as much in ‘unlearning’ as in learning.
As a 27 year old, I aspire to have the maturity of 45 old man as I age while preserving the elasticity of being in a 10 year old boy.
That combination would make for a complete human in my opinion.
So now as I prepare myself for my next attempt at floating, I will focus on unlearning, to grow past my acquired stiffness.
In sincere pursuit of having a nimble body and mind of a ten year old boy.

A fire in the heart

It’s 10pm. I find a faint glint of light in the community kitchen, quite unusual since we finish cooking dinner at 6pm. I walk in to meet my five year old friend trying to light a fire with paper and sticks. He has a little pan with some water and vegetables on the stove.
‘What are you doing ?’ I enquire.
‘I am cooking food!’
‘What is this special dish called?’
‘I don’t know!’he says smilingly.
‘Are you still hungry ?’
‘Yes a little bit’
‘Will you be able to eat with all of this food you’re cooking?’
‘No, but it is for everyone who is hungry. I will share it with everyone.’

It left me wondering how we often limit our capacity to sense the need of help. We make excuses of how we have too little of something to share with others. While this little boy finds an opportunity to be of help. And once you make that decision, to help beyond all odds, nature will find a way to help you.

It’s late in the night. As I watch my friend catching a nap on the kitchen table, I wonder, how a little boy can contain such a big heart!

On friendship and meaning

I had the fortune of spending time with my mother last week. And as it happens most of the time, she started telling me stories about my childhood.

She told me when I was a child, I would address every acquaintance as a friend. Be it a 5 year old boy or a 50 year old uncle. If I spent time with them they were my friends. It was interesting for them to see me call someone a friend in such short time.

This got me thinking about how I used to see a friend as a child.

My heart was open, like any other child’s. I was ready to give and receive energy and love without inhibition.

In my late teens I witnessed the advent of social media. I had hundreds of friends but with none did I share the same innocent, impromptu friendship as I did with a kind 50 year old uncle who’d help me get my kite stuck in a tree when I was little.

What has changed? And why, despite so many virtual friends, I am not deeply in touch with them.?

As I grew up, I learned to be more cautious and guarded, something that happens to everyone as they age.

Nicety was seen as naivety.
I had this outlook until not too long ago.

But lately I realized I can choose to have an open heart as a child. If I, in every interaction I have from now on, be open , sincere and loving to everyone I meet, I would make many friends. Friends who’d help just how the 50 year old uncle did.
I , in the process will find opportunities to help them. We might see each other only for a brief period, momentarily glance each other’s lives. But the open exchange of energy will make sure we meet the deepest existential need of man.

Of being remembered well.

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